This is my second post on this subject matter, and I'm just thinking aloud.
Feeling low? Feeling a bit depressed? Or simply suffering from self-pity? I find if difficult to differentiate these three especially when I'm a bit down. At my age, this is a clear reminder that can only mean my time to move on is rather close, which is quite easy to understand. May be I've stayed in this world a bit longer than I had to. To the question, how do I wish it to happen? I have a very simple answer: I want it quick, if it cannot be avoided. You see I'm afraid of dying so I'm ruling out a long-drawn sickness, or even being pinned down for hours or days between two beams under the rubble of a building after an earthquake. I don't like that a bit because I'm claustrophobic, and I could die under the rubble. I think I deserve better than that. Anyway, I prefer a quick one. Now, how would this thing happen? It's hard to say.
May be how I die is not my decision to make, but then again may be I could influence the decision, albeit with great effort, of course. And this thing called influence could be cumulative effect. Question is, have I done enough good in the past to tilt the balance in may favor? I'd say, yes, but this may not be subject to self-evaluation so I'm not sure which way it would go especially if my evaluator holds some negative dossier on me which is not entirely impossible given what technology can do today. That could turn out to be an embarrassment for myself, my family, and loved ones. Not a good option. Involved in an accident and I die instantaneously? How horrible could that be!? How the heck would I know how I died? Bad option. Commit suicide with a gun? Suppose I miss the spot that could insure my swift death? Very clumsy. Terrible option.
For a reasonable man that I claim to be, I think all the options mentioned are bad and really unacceptable. May be dying is not an option itself? That's the funny part. At some point in one's life, death is the only thing that must happen.
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